being the better person… October 5, 2007

Being the better person is so much harder than you think… so this week ive told both of them that i do forgive them but i cant be their friend right now and they have to respect that… i made this decision because in church on sunday they were preaching to us and talking about forgivness and i felt like God was trying to tell me something. i took it ot heart and decided that to be happy i had to forgive so thats what i did.. i forgave and i dont get anything back… not even im sorry too! so i just walked away because i knew i just did the right thing and im the better person. i was thinking today and remember when i said i was holding on to something but i dont know what it is because i dont like him and i dont want him back but im still in love with him… well i figured out what im holding on to. Im holding on to the old Vijay, the one who cared about everyone and never would have thought to be mean… when he was friends with anyone not just the people who will make his status come up and make him more popular. now the only thing that matters is popularity and who can make him be more and more popular… im not trying to sound like a bitch but the vijay that i fell in love with wasnt this cocky and mean… hes using people for their own social status and when theyve done as much as they can for him he leaves them and moves up on the list. i realized that im definatly not in love with the new vijay but the old one is still on my mind and i think the reason i still am in love with him is because i know the old vijay who didnt are what the hell he was wearing or what other peole said about him and who he hangs out with… the one who LOVED me for who i am on the inside not what was just on the outside… thats not him anymore and i think the reason that im mad a HER is because she likes him for the new Vijay not the one i once knew… he doesnt realize that everyone is catching on to his little game and people are starting to realize what i have… hes changed! well i guess realizing this was a good thing because i dont want him anymore cause i know that he has no intentions of going back to what he used to be… hes popular and thats what he thinks is gonna help him the rest of life… oh well!

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